The Power of True Connection

I was at Starbucks with a friend from my church, a devoted vegan.  It was 2007, early on my veg journey.  I had just stayed up much of the night reading The Food Revolution by John Robbins.  I was haunted by the stories and statistics – about immense animal suffering, human health crises, and the environmental destruction caused by our food choices.  I was learning about factory farming – the overcrowding of animals, the horrific conditions in which they are raised, and the industrialized slaughter process. 

Like many of us, I was raised to believe I needed meat and dairy in order to be healthy.  But now I was beginning to question this “truth.” Through my reading, I discovered that our meat-heavy diets contribute to many chronic diseases that are rampant in Western cultures – including heart disease, which runs in my family.

There was no one in my immediate social circle who I could talk to about what I was learning – no one who really got it.  Everyone around me was doing what I used to do – mindlessly eating the Standard American Diet (SAD) – heavy in meat, dairy, eggs, sweets, and processed foods.

We sat down with our coffees, my friend requesting plant-based milk instead of dairy milk.  I expressed my distress in realizing that 70 to 80 billion farm animals are slaughtered worldwide each year, with unspeakable suffering in how the animals are raised and ultimately killed.  I was also grappling with learning of the environmental impact – deforestation, depletion of land and water, pollution, greenhouse gas emissions, and destruction of ecosystems.

As I poured out my feelings, my friend’s presence and understanding were very reassuring.  I don’t remember much of what we said, just that our time together was a comforting balm amid my disillusionment and anguish.  She had experienced similar feelings when she made these discoveries years ago.

After that supportive visit with my vegan friend, I continued reading every book in my library on the topic.  What I learned deepened my commitment.  I went from daily meat eater to mostly vegetarian, to fully vegetarian, and in time, vegan.  The more I learned, the more I became committed to a plant-based lifestyle, free of animal products.  In every stage of my journey, finding support from others who were undergoing the same journey was key to not only sustaining my lifestyle, but also being a fulfilled and thriving vegan.

I met other vegans through on-line classes and groups and my local veg group.  Over time, I connected with vegans across the globe – all sharing my passion for creating a more compassionate, healthy, and sustainable world.  These conversations and connections had a deep impact, inspiring and uplifting me, and engaging me in a global movement of compassion and justice for all beings.

My vegan journey was so transformative, I longed to inspire others toward this compassionate, life-affirming path.  This led to me researching and working on a book about the emotional, social, and spiritual impacts of a vegan lifestyle.  I have surveyed over 350 vegans, following up with dozens of in-depth interviews about their experiences in choosing a vegan lifestyle.

One of the most transformative impacts reported by my research participants was “connecting with others who share my values.”  My respondents found that in living their deepest values and discovering greater purpose, they forged deep and meaningful connections with others who shared these passions.

Many of the vegans I interviewed are serving their purpose through volunteering, working in aligned organizations, or creating businesses that provide vegan products or services. Their passions and contributions connect them with others who care deeply about these same issues.  They report that these connections inspire them, uplift them, and nurture their commitment and hope during challenging times. 

A few quotes from my research respondents: 

• “I’ve met so many wonderful, compassionate people since becoming vegan.  It has helped me to focus where I volunteer my time, where I donate, and helps me live a life of purpose.”
• “I have connected with other like-minded people and have more meaningful relationships than ever before.”
• “I have found an amazing set of beautiful souls who have the same purpose in life.”
• “I found a tribe of like-minded individuals and it feels great.”

We are wired to be social beings – our health and even our longevity is supported by meaningful connections.  Vast research shows that those with quality relationships live longer and thrive better emotionally and physically.  In contrast, loneliness and lack of support is associated with increased health and mental health issues – and is as detrimental as cigarette smoking, obesity, high blood pressure, or lack of exercise.

Forming connections with others who share our values is deeply fulfilling – and for vegans, who are living a minority lifestyle, aligned support is essential.  Research suggests that lack of social support is one of the primary reasons for lapsing from veganism.

In addition to building strong connections with other vegans, we also must learn the art of being true to our values as we navigate our relationships with those who are not yet vegan, particularly those who do not understand our commitment to a vegan lifestyle. We have discovered truths that are deeply impactful to everything we care about – yet we often find that those closest to us are not interested in learning about a vegan or plant-based lifestyle, or understanding why it matters to us.

This paradox is common for many vegans – we find deep and meaningful connections with those who share our convictions.  We feel more connected to ourselves and to Nature through our choices.  And yet there are ongoing conflicts as we navigate being vegan in a not-yet-vegan world.  How do we successfully navigate these challenges?  How do we find true connection with others AND be true to ourselves and our values?

Here are seven tips for nurturing healthy connections (while staying true to your values):

1. Seek support from other vegans 

Find others who share your passions and values – through on-line groups, classes, and local veg groups.  Volunteer at a sanctuary or an organization that serves the causes you most care about.  It’s important to connect with others who share your commitment. This helps to stay dedicated during times of discouragement, to strengthen hope during times of despair, and to enjoy camaraderie in serving a shared cause. Support from other vegans also gives insights for handling challenging situations.

2. Implement self-care practices

Daily habits such as meditation, mindfulness, spiritual practices, exercise, and good nutrition provide an essential foundation for coping with emotional and social challenges – and staying true to your values during difficult times.  Identify a few self-care practices that strengthen you emotionally and physically, and commit to engaging in them regularly.

3. Connect with your core values and the reasons you became vegan 

When we remember the reasons we adopted a vegan lifestyle, it gives us strength to navigate challenges that come up. As one of my research respondents said, “I check back often with my core beliefs.  I know I don’t want to support violence and cruelty toward animals, or anyone for that matter, including myself.”  Whatever your reasons for being vegan – compassion for animals, health reasons, environmental, and/or food justice – reconnect with these reasons often to strengthen and renew your commitment.

4. Live your compassion in daily life.  

Advocacy and activism are powerful antidotes to feelings of helplessness, discouragement, or despair.  As one of my respondents said, “Instead of letting those negative feelings bring me down, I channel them into determination to change something, to make something better in the world.”

5. Learn the skills of speaking up positively and effectively. 

This includes gaining knowledge about veganism, so you can respond to common questions, concerns, and myths.  Even more importantly, it entails developing constructive communication skills.  When we are discussing topics that are emotionally charged, it can trigger us into fight-or-flight mode.  We need to learn skills for calming our emotional reactions, and expressing ourselves in ways that create meaningful dialogue. We may need to set boundaries around which situations we are willing (or not willing) to be part of and explore new traditions for our time with loved ones.

If you find that this is a challenge, check out the teachings of vegan psychologists, Dr. Melanie Joy and Clare Mann.  These powerful vegan leaders show us how to navigate social challenges in ways that create meaningful connections with others, while honoring our deepest values.

6. See yourself as a leader. 

You are an early adopter of a movement for health, compassion, and planetary healing.  In choosing a lifestyle based on a commitment to ethics and/or health, we must learn to care more about being true to our values than pleasing others.  As one of my research participants stated, “I have become more independent in my thinking, less likely to succumb to fearing the opinions of others, less affected by trying to fit in, less likely to worry about being judged.”

7. Develop compassion for others’ journeys. 

This isn’t easy when we want to see healing and change in our world ASAP.  However, pressuring or judging others rarely works to create personal or social change.  We need to remember that we are all conditioned from an early age to view eating certain animals as “natural, normal, and necessary,” as noted by psychologist Melanie Joy. It is not easy to wake from the trance of our upbringing and social conditioning.  When we become frustrated by the slow pace of change, we can shift our mindset by being a positive role model who embodies the compassion, health, and ethics we wish to inspire in others. 

Our journey to greater health and compassion is strengthened through transformative, meaningful connections.  In discovering the art of true connection, we feel connected to our values, and deeply supported by ourselves, Nature, and other people.  We also become a support and inspiration for others on their paths.  True connection is a pathway leading us toward a world of compassion, sustainability, and flourishing for all.